When Your Love It Turns To Guilt

Spencer lives in constant fear
He lives in constant premature rejection
not by others, but by himself
He decides for everything
decides for everyone
as he had failed to decide before
“You do not want a part of me,” he says
“My red is dirty,” he believes
“My red corrupt.”

Spencer lives in dissonace
Completely aware of how it rushes
in his veins; he continues to live in vain
Hoping to find someone as damaged, as baggaged as he is
and then he damages himself
Because all the philosophies and all the support
fail to deliver him from himself
and in the red-lit corners of the world where he killed his soul
is where he felt he were less alone
ain’t no words, ain’t no parables his redshare and friends
c’will undo; still he hopes as he fears and he kills as he loves.

Spencer lives in his constant fear
He fears his own blood
How is that fair?
Spencer lives afraid of himself
And Spencer lives as he refuses to die
He said, “there’s just the fight and the flight.
“To not be shamed
“And to be free
“To love free of guilt, my dear
“My dear, pray, hope
“You are still alive. You are still alive.
“You can still fight
“while you’re still alive.”

 
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