Disparity

In middle school, we learned of
Patience
We hung around, fragile as we are
Ate our lunches loud and
Quiet
Sometimes, and
Often we heard the blow
Off the chalk dust right back into chalkboards
As we deemed ourselves giants
In the making, the O’-so sillies

I hardly thought about the times when I couldn’t fall asleep as a youngling
For as an adult, things weren’t very
Different
We lumbered into foursomes, into tiny groups, into
Chunks
Did we do our parents justice by becoming what we are now? I wonder

And during the high days of the water,
No
And during the cold caress of the February steam,
A no

Bits and buts and stipends we are grateful for that we can live
On concrete atop some more
Concrete
Are we truly living?
A no

Bound for the eternity finite, under rock, under
Cascades
I weep for the many merry-go-rounds that went
Sound
Then, off
I can hear them mirror my jokes, and my sadness
It bewilders me
How 28 years flashes but like a jokester
We put down that
29 year reprise in favor of
The 22 we lost
The 22 we craved most

Never craved us back, never
Had one good opinion

We liked sex and adventure and mystery men and
Women and intrigue, of course
I could have chosen a better path but, thing is,
I didn’t

We drank from the well dug by another, never dug another
Alternative
That’s who we are

We liked being poor, deep down,
That’s who we are

The willful stacked against you and ask
Is seeing beyond yourselves really that difficult?
I wonder

Sometimes I just sit and stare
At how ugly I am
At how ugly I can make things
At the demons we fought and soldiers we saved

I could have won this February
I heard the cheers from the caverns I once
Avoided

I could have won but the card was so early played, it could have only been played
By a player

The calculated moves scare me
I have been waiting for that one King to make a flush
Safe to say, I have no idea
How to stay safe
How this game works
I have made
Some debts
I have made
Some debts


OTHER POEMS BY ETHAN LESLEY CC | CLICK HERE TO VIEW ALL || Burgundahlia, poetry
 
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