Ethan’s Choose Life: Entry 1

Posted on: Monday, January 14th, 2019

Choose being well. Choose self-love. Choose determination and drive. Choose synonymous alliteration. 🔸

Choose being positive already because it’s goddamn 2019, and we’re all growing older, and this emo shit no longer cute. 🔸

Choose deluding yourself that grief isn’t active; that despair isn’t relevant; that wisdom may be found in this derivative, tone-deaf, and somewhat-misguided rambling of an insomniac writer who’s not only afraid he’ll never truly get over his grief and despair and lack of wisdom, but also of his foresight– of how he’s 99% sure he’ll never be successful doing what he desires, and what he desires is simply succeeding. 🔸

Choose having to choose on what else is left for you to become when you have to mature the hell up, even if it means settling. Choose belittling everything that is not your dream, then seeing yourself spiraling, come March, come April, come May, come October, November, December… O’, December never spared nobody. 🔸

Choose shrugging off the person who you still deeply believe is your soulmate because they never gave you the emotional support you needed after you’ve been there for them through thick and thin, but only by the skin of your teeth. Choose mixing metaphors and getting away with it because you can convince people you have valid points, anyway, when you’ve already talked long enough– the same way you’re convincing yourself you’re not a different person now, no longer argumentative. Choose having noticed your use of the word ‘is’ and not ‘was’, and refusing to edit jack-squat. Choose remaining to have given up on undeserving clowns and having to endure not contacting them when their socials are screaming, screaming, SCREAMING for help, because you’ve already done too much irreparable damage– but then, they caused it, too, anyway. Choose being complicit, and feeling fucking ashamed of the fifty fucks you caused when you were still somebody else, somebody else’s. Then, watch your soulmate ruin themselves with somebody else. You deserve somebody new, too, anyway.🔸

Then, when you finally choose to revert back to who you were before every one of those goddamn horrible things– the one rotting in bed and in cubicles and in living paycheck to paycheck just to travel to taste the happy that is, to the wealthier folk, just ‘meh’ and ‘ordinary!’ – choose not saving up because you admire the phone that is the latest. Choose not disappointing your parents, praying nobody would disappoint you in return. Choose orange diamond emojis and dying at the feet of god or no god. Choose being sedated. Choose being just ‘meh’ and ‘ordinary’. Choose escapism. 🔸

Then tell yourself just who the fuck you think you are to be acting like this next year is your bitch, and that happiness is something you can just pick up, like some grocery item… Because why would anyone, in the right frame of mind, choose the gloomy days when they can face the future with the full excitement of exclamation marks?….!!!!! 🔸

Choose future or no future, then. CHOOSE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!! 🔸

Choose Life series is inspired by the novel of Irvine Welsh (Trainspotting) and the movie adaptations by Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, T2: Trainspotting). 🔸

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