Part I: Chaos And Religion
If you had a nickel for every time you crossed the road rooting
for speeding cars to hit you in the middle
in the middle where you close your eyes, waiting for that glorious fin
Knowing that you will not get cheered on in the afterlife
and you're okay with it
But in the cold in-betweens and moments of internal chaos
that have you wondering
should you give in to theism, humanity's greatest vanity
bow down to deities, pray to non-existing endless varieties
that your mother and her sisters would not shut up about
that the world wouldn't stop shoving down our ...Read more
is a machine
What does the machine yearn for?
Why do the hinges, greased in oil, still fear of rust
You are made of, supposed to be made of
metal, your heart is pure adamantine, but your lungs are agony
On one end, your creator
door with all the answers, so ask away
Why you are the way that you are
And how your pieces
so effortlessly ugly
closer to your reflection
and think about your arms
and the arms of the many whom you cannot be
Have you not worked hard enough to sculpt your bones, your very genes
into the likes of those you consider maste ...Read more
Lovely, these metaphors you sing for your sadness
Like four blankets at night to keep your hypothermic heart from collapsing, contracting
Just like a sitcom but never funny
I see through your sunny, honey
I see through your morbid
Speak to me more about your profound nonsense
You and your posts
You and your profile pictures captioned with inspirational bullshit
You aren’t warm
But you can try– cry as you do
Throw your bullets at easy targets, now, now
Those people are designed to be taken down easy
Or at least,
In your head,
You do not want to go back to the p ...Read more
I disassembled my body
and created a confessor
a parent in my head
Told her things
I weren't ready to share with the world yet
Held her hand, She took mine
as ether poured light into me
She was the practice dummy I bore my soul to
A subreddit dedicated to the unburrowing of my sins
Her ears were always pressed to my shriveled mouth
as teeth clinked to wail out despair
Stood there in silence
and allowed her to love me as I yearned to be loved
Why do you look like my mother?
Why do you sound like her
feel like her
Resemble her in every way but tangible
Why were you t ...Read more
I am not alright with dying.
I am not alright with living, either.
I am stuck in the pathos in between,
A purgatory of my own making.
One thread, one sledgehammer of my own sins.
Some times I hate everyone. Some times I hate myself. I’m sick. I’m dizzy.
Growing peaches in the dark.
Nectarine before the fall,
Remedric after thaw.
The world rushes straight, heteronormative too much,
Disputes over land,
Made-up histo[r]ic value,
Burying children in the sand.
Surely the gods didn’t put us here to argue but, boy, do you enjoy it.
Forward. ...Read more
You do not compare to him
All your work and you still do not compare to him
You aren't even a pale imitation
Just a passing soul that will never be good enough
You set his picture as your screensaver
A telltale of a man you will never become
That green sun pierces through your blinds
Consume you with gusto
like burns on your face
You will never be that sight for sore eyes
That calms the city and lull giants to sleep
They want not your flesh and will toss you aside
for fresher peach, a ...Read more
Buff top. Cisgender. Take me to where you lay.
I would never introduce you to my sanctuarium
my bed is basillica
My mind registering the fake name you gave me as you pry into the movements in my eyes
You'll never catch me lie
I'm way too trained
"You should be thankful I decided to look your way,
"waste my time your way,
"grateful I gave you this time of day
"blah blah. I walk on water.
Send me photos from your youth
back when the vibrance hasn't been purged out of your skin. Yet.
Let me see
how you see yourself
because that's how I'll peel into your skin as I
frame your tight b ...Read more
I like the way he breathes near my mouth
and teases me with half-kisses
I like the way he giggles at my unsteady and fervor
I like the way our tongues wrestle with each other
I like his way of things
He calls me by the pet name he made up
In a way, nobody ever fills my stomach with this much battalion, butterflies
I find myself
waiting for him
where we first met
first laid eyes on our future
got each other's numbers,
I like the way he pulls me close when he's sleeping on my bed
because goddamnit, it's the best feeling I've ever
felt in my entire existe ...Read more
How could you tell me I'm beautiful and not mean it?
I guess lying is easy, pretending convenient
when you don't really care for its
What I want from you is something you cannot give
and what you ask from me is patience which I do not have
Your love, a poorly done falsetto
and my heart deafened by your
You try to hold me as I retreat
Lying beside me but my body wants you to leave
I distance my back from your chest and ignore
how comforting your arms are around not just my naked skin but my naked being
Could you not make me the villain even when I am?
Could you not ...Read more
Hello, New Mark
Hello, New Michael
Hello, New Mitchell
What's your name this time?
What do you like?
Where do you live?
What do you think of my clothes?
Of my name?
Would you like me to change again?
Should I be someone else?
Someone more likeable?
Someone more relatable?
It's nice meeting you
Small town, ain't?
No. It is not.
But I still want to paint it that way
Think of it that way
I feel like this is fate
I hope you feel that, too
I have to re-learn you
The whole value of you
The things you want and those you hate
Until you choose to leave
I know you'd w ...Read more
Tonight, I'm going to bed with someone without a face
That's okay; I bet he understands why
Start our game meters of a crowd in between
to bed, to his Gaia drying on my pecs
him licking off the pool he made from my right nipple
Call each other 'baby' because we couldn't be bothered with names
put my weight on his body,
kiss his name, gently, messily,
grab his ass cheek as I put it inside
I've always felt that there was something divine
the thought of two bodies becoming one
without history; greed and malice all but left behind
he purifies me from years I've spent in awful solitary
Every musician wants to be part of your household, dear
Much like every genuine ounce of me longs for your validation
Would you sing these anthems with me?
Play me on your radio?
Let me into your flightful heart?
Your lover in elusive moments
Your runaway, your reprise, your trophy, rump, reward
Your time share ; beach house husband baby
Returning applicant to be buried beside you
buried inside you as we smile
Play with me like doll house from your childhood attic
Your memoirs, your makings, your monarchs, your machinations
Pull all my strings and tug me close t ...Read more