Spencer lives in constant fear
He lives in constant premature rejection
not by others, but by himself
He decides for everything
decides for everyone
as he had failed to decide before
"You do not want a part of me," he says
"My red is dirty," he believes
"My red corrupt."
Spencer lives in dissonace
Completely aware of how it rushes
in his veins; he continues to live in vain
Hoping to find someone as damaged, as baggaged as he is
and then he damages himself
Because all the philosophies and all the support
fail to deliver him from himself
and in the red-lit corners of the world ...Read more
In your mind exists the infinite
That which you can only pour into art
that can only be understood by same minds
It cries out of you
You turn it alive
The wyverns overhead
that you witness in constant
battle, as you're cartographing tunnels you escape to
Or at least you try
You write to empower
but you destroy
You convince yourself you're an ally when you're not
An outsider in a city more obsessed with other paths
Other jobs, more valuable
than what your mind-store produce
You starve, physically and mentally
as you consider yourself
a faux artist
You're haunted by your past
Haunted by your future: the one that will be and the one you have lost
Haunted by regrets and mistakes
By memories of people you let go and those who you actively hurt,
How many lives have you,
in your most subtle way, ruined
and just how much the thought of them
don't affect you the least.
You drown your cocktails
with pills that make you numb
Romanticize the loneliness like music to your muse
Married to the dream you lost yourself into
Only to wake up unsmiling, dazed; you're confused.
You keep reminding yourself
that everybody hurts the way you hurt ...Read more
Just thought maybe I'd brighten your day with photos of donuts.
Credits to my kid sister who took the photos. LOL. I found these images somewhere on my computer and I just loved them. THEY'RE DONUTS! What's not to love? ...Read more
In light of all the #SuicideAwareness posts I've seen on my feed from my contacts, I wrote this short one about my experiences with depression, the difficulties of coping with it and with sharing how I feel to others, half-baked suicide attempts, and a brief about a friend who killed herself.
Part 2 of my previous post: Suicide Awareness Post
I, too, have had my jousts against clinical depression.
They say depression is never normal part of life. But I have to admit, most days it feels like my norm. Like depression is an old friend that's always lurking in the corner, waiting to greet ...Read more
I had this friend once. Her name was Lily. She was a year senior to me in college. We used to attend the same church, used to eat lunch together, smiled whenever we saw one another at the hallways, talked about our faith and life and the sort. The little things.
Lily committed suicide eight years ago. Gun to her head. Lily took her own life and, for the love of god, I still don't know why. The thing is, I don't think anybody ever will.
Lily was a quiet girl. She was always calm, collected; her front suggesting she had her life together; her best foot forward; the perfect facade.
W ...Read more
Previously The Freelancer’s Mantra
What one chants when times are frustrating
and income is slow and life is challenging
When success is in reach and payday is near
but maybe your optimism's fooling you,
'cause this already happened before.
Basic everyday stuff for the Barely Making It.
Part 1: Centering
(Yourself With A Badass Mix
Before Opening Your Work Folder on XP
because you refuse to update)
Om bhur bhuvaht sivan
Tat savitur Australia
Dhiyo youth na prachodaya
Part 2: GREAT-full-grateful,
but perhaps some other road...
Oh Lorde, Ein Sof, Lana d ...Read more
Existhantial log 170124
Are we too old to be capable
Of mental strains we once knew as youths
Of giving up, snuffing the lights with sad songs
Feel as pointless as our lives are in its most
Are we focused too much on what's in front of us
Slaves of what we desperately believe should be ahead
Tired of these aching, self-strained shoulders
And the cruel future I see as a broken reflection of health
Have you ever felt like you've been trying
To be too many things all at once
That being and becoming anything less than who you want to be
Is a betrayal to who you are?
Am I so pett ...Read more
(Copied from my Facebook Note)
Cuatro took a quiz from PersonalityFactors.com. Here are the results.
Comet - Anais - Ethan - Sen
Warmth [TOP RANKER: Comet]
63 - 58 - 42 - 42
Low Score : Impersonal, distant, cool, reserved, detached, formal, aloof
High Score: Warm, outgoing, attentive to others, kindly, easy-going, participating, likes people
67 - 63 - 79 - 63
Low Score : Concrete thinking, unable to handle abstract problems
High Score: Abstract-thinking, higher general mental capacity, fast learner
Emotional Stability [Ethan]
42 ...Read more
Far Away: the one song to rule them all
Now, before you all judge me, there's a little back story to this.
So, 2015 just hit two weeks ago, and I had promised myself this: that this month will be dedicated to reliving some of the greatest TV shows I've ever had the pleasure of seeing. Namely, these would be Battlestar Galactica, Dawson's Creek, Buffy, and Veronica Mars. So far, I'm only re-watching BSG and am now reliving how much I loved Stardama. (I realized that BSG existed before all this shipping names popped up. This was the pre-Tumblr era.) I'll just refer to LeexKara as Stard ...Read more
Happy new year!
Or as we say here in the PH, "manigong bagong taon!"
(Now, there aren;t no glaciers or even snow in our country... I don't know why I drew this. It just felt right at the moment.)
I wrote a twenty-paged document to greet everyone, but I've been told by my lawyer that it was "too wordy" and that the video I wanted to embed was quote unquote "unnecessary and mildly racist coming from half-an-Islander... which you are not."
Drama or no drama, 2014 has been one incredible ride; filled with opportunities to get to know and connect with people, work on exciting projec ...Read more
Anarchy of the mind.
I wrote some welcome-to-my-blog remarks, which you can read here.